Any of you who are long-term readers of Stop Telling Me I’m Brave might remember my description of the love-hate relationship between our dog Cedric and Lizzie’s mother A. (Or Grandma as she’s referred to in our household).
OK, let’s be honest, despite the fact that Grandma sometimes feeds Cedric scraps of food at the kitchen table, it’s pretty much a hate-hate relationship. Cedric, like the shallow, two-faced bastard he is, is momentarily nice to Grandma when he’s getting the scraps. But the rest of the time he obviously loathes her… and can’t contain his Grandma-directed growls.
And Grandma can’t stop herself growling back (and good for her, I say) which winds Cedric up and makes him growl at her even more.
Over a year has passed since I wrote ‘Grandma vs. Cedric (Part 1)’ and things haven’t improved a jot. Despite their occasional efforts to hide it, human and animal still clearly detest each other. I don’t really know why, they just do.
And yet here we are, having Sunday lunch in the kitchen and facing a familiar scene. Grandma is gamely feeding the hound food off our table and Cedric is readily accepting it. For the time being, he’s looking up at Grandma wide-eyed as if they’re the best friends in the world.
I find myself wondering, as I always do, why does Grandma bother? As soon as she finishes feeding Cedric, he’ll turn on her like he always does. What’s in it for her?
It’s then I notice something.
‘Grandma,’ I ask. ‘Are those chocolate brownies you’re feeding Cedric?’
Grandma nods slowly, as she picks another brownie off the table, then shovels it into Cedric’s sloppy maw.
‘Don’t you know… chocolate is poisonous to dogs?’
Now, whatever my personal feelings about Cedric, even I have to admit it wouldn’t be great if Grandma fed something she shouldn’t to the wretched hound. The kids in particular (who aren’t here right now) wouldn’t be very happy about it if their pet dog got sick – or worse. So I really need to try to do something.
‘Poisonous, did you say?’ Grandma replies vaguely.
‘That’s right,’ I say. ‘You’re never meant to give chocolate to dogs. However much they want it.’
‘Oh, what nonsense!’ declaims Grandma. ‘I know what I’m doing. Our family has had hundreds of dogs!’
‘Yes,’ I respond. ‘I think the fact you’ve managed to get through hundreds of dogs rather proves my point.’
Grandma smirks, as her hand hovers over the plate of chocolate brownies. But deny she’s trying to poison Cedric, she does not.
May 2023
P. D. Clifton 
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