P. D. Clifton

Lizzie’s nearly recovered from her chemo and Covid (how come Covid is the one with the capital C, btw? Doesn’t chemotherapy – and, come to think of it, cancer – deserve one?). And so, at lunchtime, we decide to go on one of our usual daily walks – past the village church and down the…

The second week after the chemo is usually a turning point… when Lizzie, suddenly, dramatically, begins to feel better again (as the chemo ‘poison’ is flushed out. Until the next dose). In the second week, after chemo, Lizzie always starts to feel hopeful about life again. She’s going to beat this thing! You better fucking…

Despite the fact Lizzie was diagnosed with Covid a few days ago, her symptoms haven’t seemed… too bad. What might appear even more extraordinary about that, is she just had her fourth round of chemo a few days before her Covid diagnosis. Lizzie has chemo every three weeks, for her Stage 3C ovarian cancer. The…

‘My friend [NAME REDACTED!!] has just put a post on FaceBook,’ says Lizzie, ‘saying how sorry she feels for herself. She has… a cold.’ We both look at each other wryly, as we stand in the kitchen (socially distancing). We know [NAME REDACTED!!] is fully aware of Lizzie’s condition. She’s sent sympathetic messages. ‘Should I,’…

‘You’re very brave.’ When Lizzie first told me she had cancer, I think one of my automatic responses was to say ‘you’re very brave.’ I think lots of people said it to her. ‘You’re very brave.’ Eventually, this began driving Lizzie nuts. At one point, when I say ‘you’re very brave’, she replies ‘FUCK OFF!’…

Our twelve-year-old daughter Annie* is singing the words to Happy Xmas (War Is Over), in the kitchen. I join in, in a plummy (figgy?) baritone. ‘So this is Christmas. And what have you done? Another year over. And a new one just begun,’ I boom. ‘Do you know this song?’ asks Annie. ‘A VERY MERRY…

Lizzie tells me about a text she’s sent to some of her local friends. She’s arranged to meet them for breakfast the week after next (when she’s finished isolating from Covid, hopefully)… and she was worried, yesterday, about whether to tell them she had cancer or not. She has already mentioned the Covid bit, at…

‘Fuck’ says Lizzie and ‘Fuck’ I say too, the morning we discover that, on top of having grade three ovarian cancer, Lizzie now has Covid. The two ‘Cs’. ‘You couldn’t make this up, I should write it down,’ I say. ‘Absolutely. This is shit!’ says Lizzie. She chuckles bleakly and croakily, through her sore throat.…