P. D. Clifton

Lizzie and I are running down and up Bunton Hill in the dark – without Cedric in tow this time. He couldn’t be bothered to come.

I’m wearing my full jogging kit – including new Asics trainers – bought at a discount from Sports Direct a month before.

Lizzie’s wearing her trainers and the emulsion-spattered jeans and jumper she was painting in earlier. She couldn’t be bothered to get changed. ‘This is what happens when you live at home. You can never be bothered to get changed,’ she said, as she set off in her un-sporty get-up ten minutes before.

As we continue running down the hill, with our headlamps and mismatched outfits, we must look like an extremely odd couple.

On the way back up, Lizzie says how much she’s enjoying the run; how it’s boosting her endorphins.

‘You wouldn’t have been able to do this a couple of months ago,’ I say to her.

Lizzie nods her head in agreement and the illumination from her headlamp bobs up and down in front of us, like a spotlight in a prison break movie. ‘I actually feel much better now, than I did before the operation last summer. Knowing that I don’t have all of that… stuff inside me.’

‘That’s hardly surprising,’ I say.

I think back to that mind-boggling period which began last July (well, which actually began long before then. It’s just that the doctors didn’t spot it).

‘God,’ I think out loud. ‘I can really remember it. All that pain in your abdomen for months and months.’

‘I knew something was wrong,’ Lizzie replies.

‘And then that merino coil they gave you,’ I say, ‘because the doctor thought the pain was something to do with your periods. How long did you have that thing inside you for?’

‘For months,’ says Lizzie. ‘And, by the way, it’s not “merino coil”. It’s “mirena coil”. Merino is a kind of sheep – which wouldn’t have been suitable for that purpose at all.’

For a fleeting moment, I have a very strange, surreal mental image of what a ‘merino coil’ procedure – involving the sheep – might look like.

‘Eww,’ I say. Although perhaps ‘Ewe’ might have been more pertinent.

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